There was a season last year with Anderson that, if I’m being honest, was hard on all of us.
He was being dishonest.
He wasn’t getting his work done.
And when he did, it was clear he wasn’t giving his best.
And just as quickly as those patterns showed up in him, they began showing up in us.
Frustration.
Disappointment.
A cycle that kept repeating itself—him falling short, us reacting, and everyone feeling the weight of it.
It became a spiral. A negative one.
And I knew something had to change.
Shifting the Atmosphere Starts With Us
Before I could expect something different from Anderson, I had to look at what I was contributing to the environment.
I realized something important:
He needed consistency.
He needed ownership.
He needed to feel like he truly belonged and mattered in this home.
Of course he had chores—but I hadn’t always been consistent in holding him to them.
So I decided to change that.
I bought a Skylight Calendar, knowing Anderson loves anything interactive and tech-based. I loaded it with his responsibilities; some required and some for extra points—and yes, rewards too.
He loved it immediately.
But then came the moment that could have easily pulled us right back into that old cycle.
The Vacuum That Changed Everything
The first time Anderson vacuumed upstairs…
it somehow looked worse than before he started. 😅
I could feel that familiar frustration rising.
But this time—I stopped it.
Instead of reacting the way I had before, I shifted my words.
With a smile, I said:
“Buddy, this is a phenomenal job for a second grader… but the problem is—you’re an eighth grade man. And I know you want to do every bit as good as an eighth grade man can do. Try again.”
Everything changed in that moment.
Challenge Instead of Criticism
Anderson didn’t shut down.
He didn’t feel shamed.
He didn’t get defensive.
He smirked.
He liked it.
Because instead of being torn down, he was being called up.
He wasn’t being told he failed—
he was being reminded of who he is capable of being.
And yes, he vacuumed again.
And I’m telling you…
those vacuum lines have been glorious ever since. 😉
The Ripple Effect in Our Home
That one small shift in wording changed so much more than how he vacuumed.
Now, when Anderson doesn’t give his best, he already knows:
He’ll be asked to do it again.
But it’s no longer wrapped in frustration or disappointment.
It’s wrapped in belief.
A shared understanding between us:
We are raising a strong, capable, responsible young man…
and he wants to rise to meet that.
From Chores to Schoolwork—The Same Truth Applies
This didn’t stay in the realm of chores.
It carried into school too.
Because let’s be honest—sometimes kids are asked to do things they don’t love. That’s part of life.
And when Anderson isn’t interested, it shows.
That’s when I say it again:
“Great work for a second grader… but you’re an eighth grade man. Show me what an eighth grade man can do.”
And every single time—
there’s that smirk.
That quiet moment where he knows:
He can do better.
He should do better.
And he will do better.
Calling Out Who They’re Becoming
Words matter.
They shape identity.
They either trap our kids in who they’ve been…
or call them forward into who they’re becoming.
This shift didn’t lower the standard.
It raised it.
But it did so with love, respect, and belief instead of frustration.
And that has made all the difference.
A Gentle Reminder for All of Us
Sometimes the breakthrough isn’t found in stricter rules or louder correction.
Sometimes…
it’s found in a simple shift of words.
In choosing to speak to the man or woman they are becoming,
instead of reacting to the child in front of us.
Because when children feel believed in…
they start believing in themselves.
My dyslexia journey sure taught me that!
And when that happens—
everything begins to change.
✨Light in Action
Speak to who your child is becoming—not just what they’ve done.
This week, try this simple shift:
- When your child falls short, pause before correcting.
- Replace frustration with a challenge rooted in belief.
- Use language that reflects their potential:
- “That’s a great start… now show me what you’re really capable of.”
- “I know you can do this at your level—try again.”
- Stay consistent. Loving follow-through builds trust and growth.
💛 Watch what happens when your child feels called higher instead of called out.
Raising Light
